Gratitude & Memory

Gratitude is one of the most powerful qualities in the world. Imagine, you’re standing at the edge of a sky high cliff, and the world underneath feels like a river of thorns. Life stands still for a long second. Darkness looms over the midnight sky. A lone star awakens you and shifts the very tectonic plates of your life.

The waves of joy and kindness take over, leaving you at a seashore, with the cliff in sight, like a morning alarm that reminds you of your dreams, both good and worse.

Gratitude gives perspective like none other; when the alluring summit may give you vertigo, the seashore jolts the ray of hope within. The moon surrenders to the light, proclaiming it’s borrowed beauty.

Even in the darkest of hours, the rains ask for lightning, to shower the blessed.

—

This is something I had written a week back, on the tenth day of grieving. I lost a close person in my family couple weeks back and I think the grief is beginning to settle in. So I revisited this today, and 3 weeks in, I feel grief is a powerful emotion that opens the cracks within you, in ways you didn’t imagine existed in your cells. During these testing times, it brought me closer to my family as we went through phases each passing day. During tragic times like these, we humans choose memory rewind sessions to process, every time the grief hit each person, differently.
Rewind sessions of memories as we packed things, habits of the departed soul that reminded us that all we leave is a pinch of existence. A dent in the universe. Living it all in the hope of ‘being remarkable enough’. Memories in little corners, where undisposed boxes lied in cartons, in cupboards, photos hidden under saris, in kitchens, a fresh packet of sugar stored in Britannia tins, and an antique lamp’s flame flickering from the previous day. It feels like a weird tasting potion has suddenly been poured into your brain cells searching an archive of memories, stashed in library looking caves of people existing in your head.

This digression is purely an outpour of reminiscence and gratitude that I have for the dearest who has passed on to another world. I wonder where and how that might be, what it feels like? Is it more peaceful or liberating or are you burdened with superficial tasks there as well? How different is it from the mortal world? Fantasy takes over my imagination, influenced by artwork of the immortal world fills in for the geography, spiritual riches and kingdoms designed for them. Maybe that’s why folklore glorifies those who just dipped a foot in the Death River and came back to Mother Earth in the nick of time. To remember a life gone by is a cathartic and reflective process, that instigates you to rethink and reinvent your views and ways on/of life. All the things left unsaid, compliments unspoken, memories unshared and the memorabilia of events lying around you, with stories left unrevealed.

To satisfy the quench for words and regrets, I began to write letters to each and every person I lost, and the sentences included all the emotions I couldn’t share, the events I didn’t recognise them for, the invaluable lessons I learnt that I didn’t acknowledge enough, the emphasis I didn’t pay to the past they were narrating, the musings that lingered in midnight silences. Ultimately, it became an exercise for the amount of gratitude I have for them for the profound impact they’ve minutely or elaborately had in my lives. Isn’t that always the one that isn’t spoken often when we are living, breathing mortals roaming about the Earth? Doesn’t this thought constantly prick us when ‘one’ leaves? Those last moments last longer than their entire lives and we wish for a miracle to have undone several things and tell a better, satisfying story to our minds. The mind never stops churning these unprocessed thoughts and sugarcoats our experiences into wishful narratives.

In the book Tipping Point, Malcom Gladwell talks about the magic number 150, i.e. in our ‘singular’ lives, we are capable of having social relationships with a maximum of 150 people. This is also known as Dunbar’s number, AKA Robin Dunbar, a British anthropologist who defines 150 as a ‘point beyond which members of any social group lose their ability to function effectively in social relationships.’ Hence, “Be careful of the people you choose to let into your lives.”

When I read this theory, I wondered about the various people who come and go in our lives but how only a few stick on. Unfortunately, many-a-times, I have regretted those who’ve left and being ungrateful to the ones who’ve stayed. I’m sure a lot of us do this and it becomes a circle of life. Why do we not appreciate the ones who stay enough? Why aren’t we grateful for the ones who stood through the sands of time?

To sum it up, I’m trying to adopt this exercise- Gratitude letters. Letters to both the living and dead.  Reminiscences of people I know, noted with their important life events and appreciations for their effervescent presence in my life. A.Thank.You.Note. It’s better to toast at birthday parties than read eulogies at funerals, isn’t it?

#8 Self-Taught

Note: III Quarters challenge is about writing 750 words consistently to keep my writing muscle active. It is mostly unfiltered, minimally edited and more of instinctive writing.

There are certain skills in life we yearn to learn but due to various reasons are unable to learn them in a formal format of schooling. Sometimes, even though we learn it at school or college, under the teacher’s supervision, we aren’t satisfied with the rote learning method and seem to lack the actual practical knowledge required on the field. It’s like revolving around the sun without knowing why. The value of learning gets depreciated over time and can cause a ripple effect on our individual self, and holistic development. This is a plague almost every generation suffers from, a proper medium to learn, and most of the public figures we know emphasize the value of self-learning. If you notice the rise of Indian pop culture, the plethora of stand up comedians, artists, entrepreneurs, and innovations we see today, are tired of the run-of-the-mill engineering or corporate race. I’m not trying to generalize but at least 10% of engineering/business graduates are choosing careers that have zero co-relation to their college degree. Most of them are self-taught learners who have either learned through online courses, experiences and primarily venturing out into their workspace and experimenting.

“I don’t think it really matters if we’re masters of one but being a jack of all trades is a whole different success story.”

Similarly, something along those lines happened to me: In the final year of college, we had a certificate course in Short Filmmaking, a course I was excited about in unexplainable ways, I vividly remember I was so restless on the first day of class and impatient to attend it. Unfortunately (or not), the class curriculum ended being average, to be honest, I hardly think it was useful. The disappointment on my face was evident and every class I attended only infuriated me and turned into full-blown frustration. Such events do trigger you to ask-“I could have learned this at home, why bother?” This led me and my friends to a different school of thought. Despite only knowing basics of it all, our arrogance soon ignited our tanks of creativity and we shot 2 short films. In a span of 24 hours, we shot one revolving around our college life, which ended up looking like a promotional video. A few days later, we planned with a proper script and shot a social issue-based film surrounding the stigma around sexual abuse and family. This drive extended to our third film which we shot but due to poor planning and time management couldn’t submit it to our college film festival. The two films bagged prizes, exceeding our expectations but beyond that, the experience and confidence we gained were incomparable. Today when we look back at them, 10 seconds in, we pinpoint mistakes and almost disown it with guilt and shame. All of us are like- “What were we thinking? Why did we do it this way?!” Nevertheless, at the end of the day, it is a treasured memory we hold onto, despite the flaws, recollecting the youthful purity and amateur effort that went into creating something desirable.

The value of learning gets depreciated over time and can cause a ripple effect on our individual self, and holistic development.

This experience taught us the concept of self-learning and the value of experience in one’s career. Most of the skills I’m trying to master has been a continuous process of self-learning and whether it is beginning with photography during high school, blogging, writing, and filmmaking. Making mistakes, having the right company around you also can enhance your self-learning experience. Explore, fail, feedback, Repeat is my strong takeaway from the school of self-learning. The right channels of education can really be a big boost in your professional and personal life. Undoubtedly, it was also a carryforward of the values and principles instilled in me by my teachers from the school, college, karate master, and cricket coaches. They helped me cultivate a strong foundation to master the skills of my choice. Self-learning is a whole new school altogether but definitely, a solid basic foundation can go a long way in finding your own path and area to explore further.

There is a dire need to explore and create, a hunger to achieve, and with ease of access to information and media, a large market is opening up. Last year, a close friend of mine in one of our casual conversations had jollily said-“I don’t think it really matters if we’re masters of one but being a jack of all trades is a whole different success story.” This really stuck with me, and something I hold onto very dearly each time I pick up a random skill to learn. It might not have any connection to my profession or career, but it can open up mental doors I taught I never had in the first place.

#7 The Willow Game!

Note: III Quarters challenge is about writing 750 words consistently to keep my writing muscle active. It is mostly unfiltered, minimally edited and more of instinctive writing.

Cricket is back! After a prolonged, unexpected break, it has begun with the West Indies tour of England series. It was disappointing when IPL missed this year’s summer slot due to the ongoing pandemic. The excitement that every summer night carried, with a battle of words and live commentary over dinner with friends and family, supporting our favourite Indian franchises. Various cricket fans across the globe have found their new solace with the resumption of international cricket, including me. Despite a “constricted” normal being restored, with terms like a bio-secure bubble, bio-security protocol flying around, nevertheless, it’s a surreal delight to watch cricket on TV. Personally, I’m a huge fan of Test cricket, almost sacrilegiously, and an old-school admirer that way. Test cricket is like a slow-burn film, you learn to appreciate it only when you reach the climax. And it takes immense patience and a force of habit to appreciate this format of the game. It took me watching 3-4 Test series’ to truly comprehend the beauty and skill it requires to play Test cricket. I think it mines out the complete physical and mental potential of a player and testing his durability due to the long format. In the age of T20s, test cricket is surviving like an Ilaiyaraja song on a rainy evening.

It was increasingly spectacular to watch cricket resume in its birthplace: England. Playing the mighty Windies, England struggled to find their form in the first match and lost by 4 wickets, the match restricted to 3 days of play due to poor weather conditions. Ben Stokes was made the stand-in captain for the 1st Ageas Bowl match, and I’m sure he’s relieved from his captain duties as Joe Root returns for the second test at Old Trafford. Above all, it is heartwarming to witness sport being a unifying force when the players took a knee, a representation of their support for the Black Lives Matter movement. A campaign instigating the equal treatment of individuals irrespective of their colour and creed, and a democratic stand against white supremacy. Michael Holding gave a stirring speech about racial discrimination and the Caribbeans winning the first game served as a huge metaphor. It felt like raising the curtains of oppression being lifted to welcome unity in diversity, like a victory run after a war. Once known to be the colonial masters, it was pleasing to watch the England players sport the Black lives matter emblem with pride and honour. England players despite having the home advantage, couldn’t suffice for the indomitable Windies spirit. Jason Holder’s men, especially Blackwood and Gabriel charged through the British attack like lions anxious to taste victory. As the Windies got accustomed to the English conditions a month prior to the first game, it was an intriguing sight to watch the two teams compete.
The second test, with England standing strong with a 437 run lead in the first innings, the strength of West Indies’ batting line-up will be put to the test. After a lot of debate and criticism, Stuart Broad returns to the side along with Chris Woakes creating an equilibrium in the England squad. Ben Stokes and Sidley scoring a century each, the Windies will need to buckle up their game to secure their position. The Old Trafford pitch negated the strong pace bowling Windies attack, with Roach and Chase keeping them afloat, it’s up to the batsmen to give a collective performance. With three days remaining, England has an upper hand over the game for now.
With no crowd of tensed spectators watching, the stands do seem to lack a certain charm to them, but the expectations are still soaring high. Ultimately, cricket is back, and it doesn’t matter if we watch it on our television or mobile phones, it is an irreplaceable experience. Especially under the solemn circumstances that we are living in today, it is with great satisfaction and relief we embrace the comeback of sports all across the world- football, formula one, cricket, tennis. However, this series will also have a consequential effect on upcoming series- India’s tour of Australia series, IPL and T20 World Cup, the latter two not yet scheduled. There’s an enthusiasm in the air, a longing we are all craving for, a return to the normal. I hope the resumption of international cricket is the first step to normalcy, a return to the ordinary from the abnormal. As we step into the second half of the year, let’s cross our fingers and hope for the better.

Fun fact- 3 Team cricket, each consisting of 8 players made a debut today. The first match was played in South Africa, starring 360° player AB De Villiers, among many others. The rules are simple- Each team bats for 12 overs, new ball introduced every 12 overs and the team that scores the highest runs wins gold. And yeah, while on team bats, second bowls and the other fields. Gotcha?